Hard Questions

Why did she leave me? Why don't they come back for me? When is it my turn to have a family? These are some of the questions I see behind the eyes of a few of our older kids here at Beautiful Gate from time to time. I notice it most when we celebrate an adoption or a reunification. Those are the times we treasure most, but it's difficult to leave the party and look into the eyes of a six-year-old who just witnessed another one of his friends welcomed into a family, knowing he still has to stay here. Oftentimes when we think of orphans we think of adjectives like poor, underprivileged, or sad. While those are sometimes accurate descriptions I'm grateful that my time at BG has shown me that they can also be described as happy, fun, energetic, mischievous, hilarious, and joyful. In all the descriptions, though, one thing they most definitely are not is stupid. Some of our older kids at BG (I'm talking 5-6 years old), many of whom have been here most of their lives, have figured out that when a child leaves campus on a certain day it means they're getting their passport picture taken and then it is only a short matter of time until their family arrives to take them home. They are unbelievably perceptive. Knowing they can figure that out, then, I'm led to wonder if they ever think about having been abandoned and, if so, how often.

This has been on my mind lately because of a recent situation involving one of our five-year-old girls. A small number of our BG kids are here because a parent is in prison. When an individual is considered rehabilitated and is released from a correctional facility in Lesotho, the government may grant her the right to be reunited with her child. The five-year-old girl I mentioned is one of the kids in this circumstance. She's totally a spitfire personality. She's the oldest girl in her house here on campus and she knows it. She can be bossy and preppy and really really naughty, but she's also incredibly sweet, nurturing, and she just wants so desperately to be loved. And in her case it's evident she wants to be loved by her mom. She knows who her mom is and has even been to visit her in prison a few times. She'll often say she's going home with her mom soon, though we've never given her any reason to believe that. However, a couple weeks ago we got word that her mother was being released from the correctional facility and the government had given her permission to pick her daughter up from BG. It's hard to know how to feel when a child you've invested time, energy, and love in is going to be given back to a parent that wasn't present in her life because she'd been in prison. But it's not our decision to make. So we trust in God's plan and pray that He'll take care of her. There was a problem, though. This sweet little girl's mother never showed up. She still hasn't as I'm writing this. She knows her daughter is here. They'd spent time together when we took her to visit. She showed every sign of loving this girl. But she hasn't come to get her. So, our precious girl is still here. Still hoping for a family. Still hoping for her mom.

I'm trying not to be too cynical about the whole situation. After all, I don't know the whole story. I don't know this girl's mom. I don't know if she's capable of taking care of her daughter. Maybe she decided her girl has a better chance at a future if she doesn't come to get her. I don't know. This is what I do know. Our girl is safe here. She's warm here (at least as warm as she can be in the middle of winter). She's fed here. She's clothed here. She's loved here. She has a place to belong here. We're not going to abandon her. Though we aren't her mom we are her family for the time being. And most importantly, no matter what happens, she belongs to God. She's His precious creation. He has a plan for her and it's to prosper her and not to harm her. That gives me hope in these seemingly hopeless situations.

Abba Daddy,
I don't claim to know all Your plans. I don't want to label something a good or bad situation from my own understanding. I know that You can do beautiful things from the most broken circumstances. In our weaknesses You are made strong. So, though I don't know all Your plans, I do know that You are good. You are in control. You are love. Thank you for being our Father whether we have one on earth or not. Thank you for adopting us if and when we have been abandoned. To You alone be all praise, glory, and honor!
Amen