Beautiful Gate has been seeing a lot of transition lately. In the three weeks I've been back this year I've already seen two adoptions, one reunification, three transfers, and three new arrivals. It's been a bit of a whirlwind to say the least.
Our most recent arrival last Friday is an absolutely precious little boy. He's not quite two years-old, but he's very small for his age. He's just a little squirt. That's fairly normal for a lot of the kids we receive, though. The thing that really captured my attention about him was how completely terrified he was to be here. We receive a lot of children when they are babies and they don't really know any different in regards to where they are. It's hard to tell if they cry because they're scared or if they're hungry. That's definitely not the case with this boy. His tears and his poor shaking little body were clearly due to fear. He's old enough to realize his life has been radically altered and I completely understand his reaction. He's suddenly surrounded by hordes of new people. Children are pulling at him from every side. He doesn't know that his next meal is guaranteed, let alone that he'll get three a day. In the end, everything is an unknown to him right now and his only reaction is fear.
On his first day at playgroup I stuck close to this little guy. Sometimes he let me hold him for a while, but eventually he'd start to cry again and he wanted down. After a few minutes he'd wander back asking to be held again. I ended up taking him away from the big group for a bit to try and help him feel a little less overwhelmed. As I held his trembling frame and physically felt his demeanor change between being tense and melting into my arms I couldn't help but imagine that the situation was very similar to my relationship with God. How often do I let fear and anxiety of the unknown drive my thoughts and actions? How often to I tremble and fight and squirm when God just wants me to rest in His arms? How often do I fail to trust God when He gently whispers that He loves me and He's not going to let anything harm me?
Today I visited with my little friend again in playgroup. He's still pretty hesitant. He would play with a toy for a little while if I gave it to him, but he's mostly still taking it all in. He held up his arms a lot, asking me to hold him, so I did. When I had to leave, though, he started to cry again. It breaks my heart to see such a sweet boy so scared. But each day we show him more and more that he can trust us. Each day we give him a little more reason to feel like he can relax. I know that in a few weeks or months he'll be unrecognizable. I've seen it with several kids before. Once he realizes he's safe here he'll open up. Once he realizes he's loved here he'll love us back. And before you know it he'll be running around, laughing, and playing with the other kids. He'll be able to be a kid himself.
The same goes for our relationship with God. Every day He gives us more and more reasons to trust Him. Every day He provides exactly what we need when we need it. He will never leave us and He will never harm us. I know that as I continue pursuing this relationship with my Father my desire for Him will grow and will eventually eclipse any fears that I may have. Even though I may squirm and tremble and cry in His arms now, I have hope knowing He's the one holding me. My comfort is in the fact that He's the Father and I get to be His child.
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