The Epitome of Bittersweet

Last year I wrote a post about one of our beautiful five-year old girls. Her mother had been in prison for much of her young life, but had recently been released. We waited in anticipation for her to come for this precious girl after we were informed the government had given her permission to reclaim her daughter. As you may recall from my previous post, however, she never showed up. We never heard from her. And our sweet girl, who so often claimed she was going home with her mom soon, despite us never having told her this, had her dream taken away from her again. It was absolutely heartbreaking. But life went on. We moved past the sorrow and the pain, and clung to the joy and goodness that comes from God and His perfect provision despite our circumstances.

Last week this memory came flooding back to me. Almost 8 months later we once again received word that our girl's mother was coming to get her. The Beautiful Gate house mothers told our girl. She was so excited. Her smile threatened to crack her face in half. They dressed her up in her best clothes and prepared her for a most anticipated reunion. The day came and went, though, and once again her mother didn't show up. And once again our girl was crushed. She cried herself to sleep that night. Even at six-years old she knew exactly what was going on. She knew how close she was to having her dream come true, only to have it snatched away yet again. When I heard about this my heart broke all over again. I was so disappointed for our precious girl. I tried my best not to be angry or judgmental toward her mother. I still didn't know this woman's story or circumstances. There could have been any number of reasons, some totally legitimate, for why she didn't show up. But knowing how hurt our girl was made it very difficult to show grace.

The next day, however, we were surprised. We got another call telling us this girl's mother would be coming to pick up her daughter. It was sort of like ripping a bandage off a fresh wound. The pain, sorrow, and confusion of the previous day washed over all of us afresh. We told our girl's house mothers and they refused to tell her or get her ready until the mother showed up on campus. We didn't argue. Within the next thirty minutes, though, she was here. Our girl's mother was here. Her dream was finally coming true! We went to tell her and get her ready. It was like the previous day had never happened. Once again she was all smiles. She was so excited. She put on her best dress and her prettiest shoes and waited impatiently for the rest of us to get everything in order. Finally, we took her back to the office where her mother was waiting. Our girl was shy at first, but after a few minutes her smile was back and bigger than ever. She wouldn't leave her mother's side except when we hugged and kissed her goodbye. Seeing the joy in her eyes was incredible. It filled me with hope and reminded me once again why I'm here. At the same time, however, I looked at her mother's face and didn't see the same joy. I didn't see the same longing and desire that our girl had. Again, I don't know this woman. I don't know how she expresses her feelings. But I couldn't help feeling my heart drop just a bit.

It's moments like that one that perfectly capture why I love and hate my job all at the same time. We want the best for our kids. Sometimes we get to see that happen for them and we are sure of it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Other times we're not so sure. Other times we simply do what we have to do and rely on God to do the rest. The truth is people in this world will always disappoint us, but God never will. The promises of Jeremiah 29:11 are encouraging. Most of us know them by heart. ""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."" We can take even more encouragement out of these promises, though, when we realize that God promises these things to His people when they are in the midst of exile in Babylon. Despite the circumstances we find ourselves in, God is there and He is faithful. He will never let us down. Though we don't know how life is going for our beautiful girl right now, we know that God does. We place our hope for her in His hands and we trust that His plans are to prosper her and her mother, and to give them hope and a blessed future together.