Beautiful Gate has been seeing a lot of transition lately. In the three weeks I've been back this year I've already seen two adoptions, one reunification, three transfers, and three new arrivals. It's been a bit of a whirlwind to say the least.
Our most recent arrival last Friday is an absolutely precious little boy. He's not quite two years-old, but he's very small for his age. He's just a little squirt. That's fairly normal for a lot of the kids we receive, though. The thing that really captured my attention about him was how completely terrified he was to be here. We receive a lot of children when they are babies and they don't really know any different in regards to where they are. It's hard to tell if they cry because they're scared or if they're hungry. That's definitely not the case with this boy. His tears and his poor shaking little body were clearly due to fear. He's old enough to realize his life has been radically altered and I completely understand his reaction. He's suddenly surrounded by hordes of new people. Children are pulling at him from every side. He doesn't know that his next meal is guaranteed, let alone that he'll get three a day. In the end, everything is an unknown to him right now and his only reaction is fear.
On his first day at playgroup I stuck close to this little guy. Sometimes he let me hold him for a while, but eventually he'd start to cry again and he wanted down. After a few minutes he'd wander back asking to be held again. I ended up taking him away from the big group for a bit to try and help him feel a little less overwhelmed. As I held his trembling frame and physically felt his demeanor change between being tense and melting into my arms I couldn't help but imagine that the situation was very similar to my relationship with God. How often do I let fear and anxiety of the unknown drive my thoughts and actions? How often to I tremble and fight and squirm when God just wants me to rest in His arms? How often do I fail to trust God when He gently whispers that He loves me and He's not going to let anything harm me?
Today I visited with my little friend again in playgroup. He's still pretty hesitant. He would play with a toy for a little while if I gave it to him, but he's mostly still taking it all in. He held up his arms a lot, asking me to hold him, so I did. When I had to leave, though, he started to cry again. It breaks my heart to see such a sweet boy so scared. But each day we show him more and more that he can trust us. Each day we give him a little more reason to feel like he can relax. I know that in a few weeks or months he'll be unrecognizable. I've seen it with several kids before. Once he realizes he's safe here he'll open up. Once he realizes he's loved here he'll love us back. And before you know it he'll be running around, laughing, and playing with the other kids. He'll be able to be a kid himself.
The same goes for our relationship with God. Every day He gives us more and more reasons to trust Him. Every day He provides exactly what we need when we need it. He will never leave us and He will never harm us. I know that as I continue pursuing this relationship with my Father my desire for Him will grow and will eventually eclipse any fears that I may have. Even though I may squirm and tremble and cry in His arms now, I have hope knowing He's the one holding me. My comfort is in the fact that He's the Father and I get to be His child.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Thursday, February 11, 2016
A Breath of Fresh Air
Last Friday, on one of our weekly trips into town with a few of the BG kids we met a group of missionaries who had just gotten to Lesotho. Let me begin by saying they are awesome! A couple of them came up to us and introduced their group. They are 7 young men and women working through Adventures in Missions doing the World Race program. For those who don't know, this is a program that launches missionaries into 11 countries over the course of 11 months. We learned that these missionaries pretty much do a little bit of anything and everything. Sometimes they stay with hosts and sometimes they camp in tents. Sometimes they teach English, sometimes they put a new roof on a church, and sometimes their goals are a little less defined. This month, while in Lesotho, they are meeting up with several already established missions organizations in order to build rapport and lay a foundation for future teams to come to these organizations in order to minister to and provide emotional support and encouragement to the missionaries already serving there. These are folks who actively know what it's like to be a missionary, so they know that, while financial support is incredibly important, emotional and psychological health is too.
After chatting with them for a bit at Wimpy (a restaurant here in Lesotho) we exchanged information and talked about having them over to visit Beautiful Gate. I can't explain why exactly, but I was so excited for them to come and to spend more time with them. So, instead of waiting for them to come over on Wednesday we invited them to church on Sunday. After the service we were able to talk more and get to know each other a little better. It was such a gift to be able to share experiences with other missionaries in my age bracket.
On Wednesday our new friends were able to visit us on campus. They came to our weekly chapel and, if they're anything like me, were more caught up in what the kids were doing than what was actually going on in chapel (oops...). Afterwards, Terp and I gave them a tour of campus and shared BG's history and stories with them. As we visited the baby houses it was a testament to the call God gives us to care for orphans and widows as I watched these 7 individuals fall in love with our kids mere moments after having met them. In fact it was difficult to pull them away! Can't blame them for that, though. After the tour several of the BG volunteers helped prepare a meal of traditional food that we shared together. As we ate with our hands we shared more stories with one another. There was a lot of laughter and sharing each other's burdens as we talked about many of the ups and downs we've experienced in our different journeys. Finally, we ended the evening praising God. We sang a handful of worship songs, we prayed, and we simply enjoyed being in fellowship together as we rested at the feet of Jesus. It was a night for the books to say the least.
I'm not writing this post just to share a cool experience with everyone (even though it was a really cool experience). I wanted to share this because there are no coincidences. I believe with all my heart that God orchestrated us meeting our new friends for specific reasons. Some are evident to us now. We clearly were able to further each other's missions. We are able to be an organization with whom they can potentially partner with in the future. They were able to fulfill their goal to encourage us in ways we didn't even know we needed. I believe there are other reasons God brought us together, though. We can't begin to imagine what they might be yet, but God is consistently placing them on my heart. So I continue to pray for them. I continue to pray with them. Though we just met, the love for my brothers and sisters continues to grow each day. Perhaps when they leave Lesotho I'll never see any of them again this side of Heaven (praise God for social media so we can at least keep in contact!), but I don't know what God's plan for any of us is. Maybe some of them will come back to BG. Maybe our paths will cross again in our travels. Regardless of what happens in the future, God reminded me on Wednesday how incredible His family is. As we entered our time together as strangers and left as family I can't help but think we experienced a small taste of what heaven will be like. It doesn't matter who we are, where we're from, what we're doing, or where we're going. As long as we together share a faith in Jesus Christ we will always be a family and we will always have the hope of seeing each other again when we together physically bow at the feet of the Almighty.
Abba,
Thank you for being Dad. Thank you for adopting us into your family, thereby making us brothers and sisters through your Son. Thank you too for our new friends. I ask that you continue to bless and protect them in their travels. Continue to equip them to fulfill the call you've placed on their lives. Even after they complete their World Race experience, grant them them wisdom, discernment, and hearts that are actively listening for your voice. May they have the assurance and the confidence that you will never let them go, no matter where they end up, no matter what they end up doing. Thank you, Father, for allowing our paths to cross, if even only for a short time. To you alone be all the glory, honor, and praise.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen
After chatting with them for a bit at Wimpy (a restaurant here in Lesotho) we exchanged information and talked about having them over to visit Beautiful Gate. I can't explain why exactly, but I was so excited for them to come and to spend more time with them. So, instead of waiting for them to come over on Wednesday we invited them to church on Sunday. After the service we were able to talk more and get to know each other a little better. It was such a gift to be able to share experiences with other missionaries in my age bracket.
On Wednesday our new friends were able to visit us on campus. They came to our weekly chapel and, if they're anything like me, were more caught up in what the kids were doing than what was actually going on in chapel (oops...). Afterwards, Terp and I gave them a tour of campus and shared BG's history and stories with them. As we visited the baby houses it was a testament to the call God gives us to care for orphans and widows as I watched these 7 individuals fall in love with our kids mere moments after having met them. In fact it was difficult to pull them away! Can't blame them for that, though. After the tour several of the BG volunteers helped prepare a meal of traditional food that we shared together. As we ate with our hands we shared more stories with one another. There was a lot of laughter and sharing each other's burdens as we talked about many of the ups and downs we've experienced in our different journeys. Finally, we ended the evening praising God. We sang a handful of worship songs, we prayed, and we simply enjoyed being in fellowship together as we rested at the feet of Jesus. It was a night for the books to say the least.
I'm not writing this post just to share a cool experience with everyone (even though it was a really cool experience). I wanted to share this because there are no coincidences. I believe with all my heart that God orchestrated us meeting our new friends for specific reasons. Some are evident to us now. We clearly were able to further each other's missions. We are able to be an organization with whom they can potentially partner with in the future. They were able to fulfill their goal to encourage us in ways we didn't even know we needed. I believe there are other reasons God brought us together, though. We can't begin to imagine what they might be yet, but God is consistently placing them on my heart. So I continue to pray for them. I continue to pray with them. Though we just met, the love for my brothers and sisters continues to grow each day. Perhaps when they leave Lesotho I'll never see any of them again this side of Heaven (praise God for social media so we can at least keep in contact!), but I don't know what God's plan for any of us is. Maybe some of them will come back to BG. Maybe our paths will cross again in our travels. Regardless of what happens in the future, God reminded me on Wednesday how incredible His family is. As we entered our time together as strangers and left as family I can't help but think we experienced a small taste of what heaven will be like. It doesn't matter who we are, where we're from, what we're doing, or where we're going. As long as we together share a faith in Jesus Christ we will always be a family and we will always have the hope of seeing each other again when we together physically bow at the feet of the Almighty.
Abba,
Thank you for being Dad. Thank you for adopting us into your family, thereby making us brothers and sisters through your Son. Thank you too for our new friends. I ask that you continue to bless and protect them in their travels. Continue to equip them to fulfill the call you've placed on their lives. Even after they complete their World Race experience, grant them them wisdom, discernment, and hearts that are actively listening for your voice. May they have the assurance and the confidence that you will never let them go, no matter where they end up, no matter what they end up doing. Thank you, Father, for allowing our paths to cross, if even only for a short time. To you alone be all the glory, honor, and praise.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen
Sunday, February 7, 2016
The Epitome of Bittersweet
Last year I wrote a post about one of our beautiful five-year old girls. Her mother had been in prison for much of her young life, but had recently been released. We waited in anticipation for her to come for this precious girl after we were informed the government had given her permission to reclaim her daughter. As you may recall from my previous post, however, she never showed up. We never heard from her. And our sweet girl, who so often claimed she was going home with her mom soon, despite us never having told her this, had her dream taken away from her again. It was absolutely heartbreaking. But life went on. We moved past the sorrow and the pain, and clung to the joy and goodness that comes from God and His perfect provision despite our circumstances.
Last week this memory came flooding back to me. Almost 8 months later we once again received word that our girl's mother was coming to get her. The Beautiful Gate house mothers told our girl. She was so excited. Her smile threatened to crack her face in half. They dressed her up in her best clothes and prepared her for a most anticipated reunion. The day came and went, though, and once again her mother didn't show up. And once again our girl was crushed. She cried herself to sleep that night. Even at six-years old she knew exactly what was going on. She knew how close she was to having her dream come true, only to have it snatched away yet again. When I heard about this my heart broke all over again. I was so disappointed for our precious girl. I tried my best not to be angry or judgmental toward her mother. I still didn't know this woman's story or circumstances. There could have been any number of reasons, some totally legitimate, for why she didn't show up. But knowing how hurt our girl was made it very difficult to show grace.
The next day, however, we were surprised. We got another call telling us this girl's mother would be coming to pick up her daughter. It was sort of like ripping a bandage off a fresh wound. The pain, sorrow, and confusion of the previous day washed over all of us afresh. We told our girl's house mothers and they refused to tell her or get her ready until the mother showed up on campus. We didn't argue. Within the next thirty minutes, though, she was here. Our girl's mother was here. Her dream was finally coming true! We went to tell her and get her ready. It was like the previous day had never happened. Once again she was all smiles. She was so excited. She put on her best dress and her prettiest shoes and waited impatiently for the rest of us to get everything in order. Finally, we took her back to the office where her mother was waiting. Our girl was shy at first, but after a few minutes her smile was back and bigger than ever. She wouldn't leave her mother's side except when we hugged and kissed her goodbye. Seeing the joy in her eyes was incredible. It filled me with hope and reminded me once again why I'm here. At the same time, however, I looked at her mother's face and didn't see the same joy. I didn't see the same longing and desire that our girl had. Again, I don't know this woman. I don't know how she expresses her feelings. But I couldn't help feeling my heart drop just a bit.
It's moments like that one that perfectly capture why I love and hate my job all at the same time. We want the best for our kids. Sometimes we get to see that happen for them and we are sure of it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Other times we're not so sure. Other times we simply do what we have to do and rely on God to do the rest. The truth is people in this world will always disappoint us, but God never will. The promises of Jeremiah 29:11 are encouraging. Most of us know them by heart. ""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."" We can take even more encouragement out of these promises, though, when we realize that God promises these things to His people when they are in the midst of exile in Babylon. Despite the circumstances we find ourselves in, God is there and He is faithful. He will never let us down. Though we don't know how life is going for our beautiful girl right now, we know that God does. We place our hope for her in His hands and we trust that His plans are to prosper her and her mother, and to give them hope and a blessed future together.
Last week this memory came flooding back to me. Almost 8 months later we once again received word that our girl's mother was coming to get her. The Beautiful Gate house mothers told our girl. She was so excited. Her smile threatened to crack her face in half. They dressed her up in her best clothes and prepared her for a most anticipated reunion. The day came and went, though, and once again her mother didn't show up. And once again our girl was crushed. She cried herself to sleep that night. Even at six-years old she knew exactly what was going on. She knew how close she was to having her dream come true, only to have it snatched away yet again. When I heard about this my heart broke all over again. I was so disappointed for our precious girl. I tried my best not to be angry or judgmental toward her mother. I still didn't know this woman's story or circumstances. There could have been any number of reasons, some totally legitimate, for why she didn't show up. But knowing how hurt our girl was made it very difficult to show grace.
The next day, however, we were surprised. We got another call telling us this girl's mother would be coming to pick up her daughter. It was sort of like ripping a bandage off a fresh wound. The pain, sorrow, and confusion of the previous day washed over all of us afresh. We told our girl's house mothers and they refused to tell her or get her ready until the mother showed up on campus. We didn't argue. Within the next thirty minutes, though, she was here. Our girl's mother was here. Her dream was finally coming true! We went to tell her and get her ready. It was like the previous day had never happened. Once again she was all smiles. She was so excited. She put on her best dress and her prettiest shoes and waited impatiently for the rest of us to get everything in order. Finally, we took her back to the office where her mother was waiting. Our girl was shy at first, but after a few minutes her smile was back and bigger than ever. She wouldn't leave her mother's side except when we hugged and kissed her goodbye. Seeing the joy in her eyes was incredible. It filled me with hope and reminded me once again why I'm here. At the same time, however, I looked at her mother's face and didn't see the same joy. I didn't see the same longing and desire that our girl had. Again, I don't know this woman. I don't know how she expresses her feelings. But I couldn't help feeling my heart drop just a bit.
It's moments like that one that perfectly capture why I love and hate my job all at the same time. We want the best for our kids. Sometimes we get to see that happen for them and we are sure of it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Other times we're not so sure. Other times we simply do what we have to do and rely on God to do the rest. The truth is people in this world will always disappoint us, but God never will. The promises of Jeremiah 29:11 are encouraging. Most of us know them by heart. ""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."" We can take even more encouragement out of these promises, though, when we realize that God promises these things to His people when they are in the midst of exile in Babylon. Despite the circumstances we find ourselves in, God is there and He is faithful. He will never let us down. Though we don't know how life is going for our beautiful girl right now, we know that God does. We place our hope for her in His hands and we trust that His plans are to prosper her and her mother, and to give them hope and a blessed future together.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
New Beginnings (Again)
It is so similar…
Returning to Lesotho, in a lot of ways, has been so
familiar. I experienced many of the same feelings departing the U.S. that I did
last year. I felt sad that I had to leave my family and friends for another
long period of time. I know God will care for them, but it’s difficult knowing
life moves on back home and there’s a lot that I will miss. I also felt a great
deal of excitement for the adventures ahead of me.
Walking back on campus for the first time was much the same
as last year as well. I felt peace and comfort knowing this will be my home for
the next several months.
The love and joy I experienced when I saw the kids for the
first time was just as intense and overwhelming.
I’m living with the same people I lived with when I came
last year. I get to work with many of the same incredible people this year too.
Just like last year I enjoy spending free time with the
other volunteers. We eat meals together. We go to church together. We go on
adventures together (Lord willing we’ll be hiking this weekend!). We watch
Marvel movies on the weekends together.
The local people, both the staff at Beautiful Gate and
people around town, are still so incredibly friendly and I love getting to know
them.
The joy of seeing kids brought into new families and the
sorrow of seeing others abandoned are still overwhelming and incredibly
motivating.
In so many ways it feels like I never left. It feels like
I’ve picked up right where I left off and no time has passed in between.
But at the same time…
It is so different…
Returning to Lesotho, in a lot of ways, seems so foreign. It
definitely feels like home, but so many things have changed on campus and
around town. When I drive to the mall to go grocery shopping I find that
several shops have moved or gone out of business. Friends I made last year are
no longer around.
Some of the kids I grew to love are no longer on campus. In
some cases that’s a huge answer to prayer because they are now with forever
families, receiving the love and care they deserve. In others, though, it’s
heartbreaking because we have had to transfer the to other care facilities or
return them to situations where we cannot be sure they are being cared for at
all.
My daily schedule is different. Instead of going to a baby
house at 7am I go to the office by 8am. Despite not having to start my day
until later I find myself getting up earlier (like 5:30am earlier). I got to
watch the sunrise on my first morning back. In the mornings I eat breakfast (I
know. Me? Breakfast?) and I spend quality time with God in the Word. Those are
the only parts of my day that’s a given. Unlike last year, when I pretty much
knew where I’d be at any given moment throughout the day, I never know what’s
going to be on the agenda.
I’m no longer a baby house volunteer or a “house father,”
but now I’m a North American Ambassador. I’ll get to work more directly with
those who love and support Beautiful Gate! But I also won’t be as directly
involved with the kids’ daily schedules. Thank God for afternoon playgroup
where I can go out and be with my kids.
In some significant ways I can really feel my absence over
the last few months. It feels like so much has happened and changed since I was
last here in September.
Despite the seeming conflict between the similar and the
different, the old and the new, I take comfort in the fact that my God is
constant. In the good and the bad He is still God. He is with me every moment
of every day, whether I’m in Africa or in North America. Even in the continual
back and forth nature of my life I find stability knowing I’m right where God
wants me to be.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
I'm Baaaaack!
I'm back at Beautiful Gate and it feels so good! What a blessing! I don't even know where to begin! As hard as it was to say goodbye to my family and friends again (and I do miss them you all very much), knowing what I was going to gave me a great sense of excitement, joy, and eagerness. The long hours of travel and "sleeping" in airports was grueling, but it was all worth it the moment I walked back on campus! I got back as the kids were playing outside for playgroup and as soon as I was inside the gate I was literally bombarded by children screaming my name. All fears of being forgotten by these precious kids were put to rest immediately. I spent most of yesterday picking up kid after kid and reconnecting with staff and volunteers. It was pure bliss. And the best part? It's just the beginning. God has a whole new set of experiences for me this year. Some of them will be familiar, like yesterday, but many of them will be completely new as I move forward in my role as North American Ambassador. I'm excited for all of them!
This morning I woke up early. I made breakfast and got ready for the day. As I was sitting in my living room doing devotions I heard my name being shouted from the nearby baby houses. I got up and looked outside to see a handful of my kids standing on the porch yelling for me, hoping I was awake and would come out. It was such a perfect reminder of why I'm here. I can only hope that each day this year starts out as beautifully as today did. It's good to be back!
This morning I woke up early. I made breakfast and got ready for the day. As I was sitting in my living room doing devotions I heard my name being shouted from the nearby baby houses. I got up and looked outside to see a handful of my kids standing on the porch yelling for me, hoping I was awake and would come out. It was such a perfect reminder of why I'm here. I can only hope that each day this year starts out as beautifully as today did. It's good to be back!
Friday, December 11, 2015
Not So FUNdraising
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3:5-6
As I ponder over this verse I realize how spot on it sums up where I find myself right now, not only as a missionary, but even more broadly as a Christian in general. I'd be lying if I said I've been reflecting on these words often since I've been home from Lesotho. In fact, it kind of just popped into my head as I sat down to write this post. Not a coincidence, I think.
Since I returned to the U.S. in September my big goal has been raising financial support to head back to Lesotho in January 2016. Most people know by now, but I'll be taking up the mantle of North American Ambassador for Beautiful Gate, and a huge part of that position is fundraising for the orphanage (on top of raising funds for my personal budget). The funny thing I've learned over the last couple of months, and something I kind of already knew beforehand, is that I don't like fundraising! I don't like asking people to donate their hard-earned money. I hate that my mind often associates a dollar amount with people now. I feel like I'm scheming and plotting to manipulate people out of their money a lot of the time. I fear people are going to start thinking everything I do with and for them is to get money. It's hard. It's uncomfortable. It is not aptly named - FUNdraising is not FUN. To add insult to injury, sometimes I don't feel like I'm even a very good fundraiser. As I write this, I'm hoping to head back to Beautiful Gate in a little over a month. Also, as I write this, I've still got less than half of one year's budget accounted for, and I'm committed for at least three years! If you had told me a year ago that one of the two major parts of my job would be asking people for money, I would have laughed and said you were nuts.
But here I am.
The craziest part about this situation, though, is not that I find myself doing something I don't particularly like. Let's be real, a lot of people do jobs they don't like. No, the crazy thing is that I wouldn't change it for the world. Despite the discomfort and the anxiety fundraising produces in me, I know this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Never before in my life have I been so sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God has called me to do this. And that's where Proverbs comes in. As I strive to do the work God has set before me I have to trust Him and Him alone. I cannot lean on my own understanding because I simply do not understand. I don't understand why God called me down this particular path. All I know for sure is that He did. I need to constantly remember to submit all that I am and all that I have to Him. When I do this, when I'm in relationship with my Abba, when I throw caution to the wind and trust in Him to provide all I need and to catch me when I fall, He will be there. He's orchestrated this grand plan to get me where I am today, and He's blessed me with the awareness to see all the little steps it took to get me here. He hasn't failed me yet and I know that he won't.
In the Gospel of Luke, after he predicts his impending death, Jesus tells his disciples:
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me" (9:23). I love this verse. Does that sound strange? This simple phrase seems to suggest that a life of following Christ will be extremely difficult. That's exactly why I love it, though. It reminds me that Jesus doesn't call us to a life that is easy. He doesn't call us to be comfortable. Jesus knows that it's precisely doing the hard things that push us out of our comfort zones that will cause us to grow. He knew from the beginning that following him meant his followers were going to have to sacrifice. The beautiful thing is that Jesus doesn't call us to sacrifice simply for the sake of sacrificing. He goes on to tell his disciples, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it" (9:24). Jesus promises to bless our sacrifice. He promises right then and there that those who truly follow him will be saved, foreshadowing the work he was about to do on the cross. And we get to see glimpses of that beginning to take root and come to fruition even in this life now.
Fundraising is a difficult and essential part of my job. It takes up a great deal of my thoughts and energy. It helps our ministry to grow and to make more people aware of the needs our children at Beautiful Gate have. For me, though, that's not the fruit. For me, the fruit is being able to spend hands on time with my kids. I get to see them grow. I get to see them learn. I get to see them love. I get to see them have the blessing of just being a kid. And I get to see them become part of a forever family. That alone is worth a thousand years of a fundraising. Though fundraising is certainly not my favorite part of my job, it's not without benefit and purpose. Being able to take part in the fruit far outweighs the hard work and anxiety of sowing the seed and waiting for it to grow.
In the end, I've sent out letters, I've given presentations, I'm planning fundraising events. I've done just about all I can think to do. I believe I have been faithful in sowing the seed, and now I have to be patient and trust that God will raise a crop that can be harvested. If you're reading this I pray that you would take a moment, listen to the Holy Spirit, and consider if you might be able to support the work God is calling me to at Beautiful Gate. As always, prayer is the most necessary form of support. However, as I mentioned earlier, I still need 50% of my budget for this year alone. Would you consider contributing toward that amount. I'm also hoping to find someone (or a few someones) who, at the end of each year, would be willing to see the gap I have in my funding and say I or we can take care of that. If God has blessed you with the means to do it, I pray you might consider being a huge part in my ministry and a huge blessing to the Beautiful Gate community. If you decide you do want to join me prayerfully or financially, both my contact and donation information can be found in the right hand sidebar of my blog page.
Thank you to all those who have already come alongside me to help make this ministry a reality. And thank you in advance to those who will.
- Proverbs 3:5-6
As I ponder over this verse I realize how spot on it sums up where I find myself right now, not only as a missionary, but even more broadly as a Christian in general. I'd be lying if I said I've been reflecting on these words often since I've been home from Lesotho. In fact, it kind of just popped into my head as I sat down to write this post. Not a coincidence, I think.
Since I returned to the U.S. in September my big goal has been raising financial support to head back to Lesotho in January 2016. Most people know by now, but I'll be taking up the mantle of North American Ambassador for Beautiful Gate, and a huge part of that position is fundraising for the orphanage (on top of raising funds for my personal budget). The funny thing I've learned over the last couple of months, and something I kind of already knew beforehand, is that I don't like fundraising! I don't like asking people to donate their hard-earned money. I hate that my mind often associates a dollar amount with people now. I feel like I'm scheming and plotting to manipulate people out of their money a lot of the time. I fear people are going to start thinking everything I do with and for them is to get money. It's hard. It's uncomfortable. It is not aptly named - FUNdraising is not FUN. To add insult to injury, sometimes I don't feel like I'm even a very good fundraiser. As I write this, I'm hoping to head back to Beautiful Gate in a little over a month. Also, as I write this, I've still got less than half of one year's budget accounted for, and I'm committed for at least three years! If you had told me a year ago that one of the two major parts of my job would be asking people for money, I would have laughed and said you were nuts.
But here I am.
The craziest part about this situation, though, is not that I find myself doing something I don't particularly like. Let's be real, a lot of people do jobs they don't like. No, the crazy thing is that I wouldn't change it for the world. Despite the discomfort and the anxiety fundraising produces in me, I know this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Never before in my life have I been so sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God has called me to do this. And that's where Proverbs comes in. As I strive to do the work God has set before me I have to trust Him and Him alone. I cannot lean on my own understanding because I simply do not understand. I don't understand why God called me down this particular path. All I know for sure is that He did. I need to constantly remember to submit all that I am and all that I have to Him. When I do this, when I'm in relationship with my Abba, when I throw caution to the wind and trust in Him to provide all I need and to catch me when I fall, He will be there. He's orchestrated this grand plan to get me where I am today, and He's blessed me with the awareness to see all the little steps it took to get me here. He hasn't failed me yet and I know that he won't.
In the Gospel of Luke, after he predicts his impending death, Jesus tells his disciples:
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me" (9:23). I love this verse. Does that sound strange? This simple phrase seems to suggest that a life of following Christ will be extremely difficult. That's exactly why I love it, though. It reminds me that Jesus doesn't call us to a life that is easy. He doesn't call us to be comfortable. Jesus knows that it's precisely doing the hard things that push us out of our comfort zones that will cause us to grow. He knew from the beginning that following him meant his followers were going to have to sacrifice. The beautiful thing is that Jesus doesn't call us to sacrifice simply for the sake of sacrificing. He goes on to tell his disciples, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it" (9:24). Jesus promises to bless our sacrifice. He promises right then and there that those who truly follow him will be saved, foreshadowing the work he was about to do on the cross. And we get to see glimpses of that beginning to take root and come to fruition even in this life now.
Fundraising is a difficult and essential part of my job. It takes up a great deal of my thoughts and energy. It helps our ministry to grow and to make more people aware of the needs our children at Beautiful Gate have. For me, though, that's not the fruit. For me, the fruit is being able to spend hands on time with my kids. I get to see them grow. I get to see them learn. I get to see them love. I get to see them have the blessing of just being a kid. And I get to see them become part of a forever family. That alone is worth a thousand years of a fundraising. Though fundraising is certainly not my favorite part of my job, it's not without benefit and purpose. Being able to take part in the fruit far outweighs the hard work and anxiety of sowing the seed and waiting for it to grow.
In the end, I've sent out letters, I've given presentations, I'm planning fundraising events. I've done just about all I can think to do. I believe I have been faithful in sowing the seed, and now I have to be patient and trust that God will raise a crop that can be harvested. If you're reading this I pray that you would take a moment, listen to the Holy Spirit, and consider if you might be able to support the work God is calling me to at Beautiful Gate. As always, prayer is the most necessary form of support. However, as I mentioned earlier, I still need 50% of my budget for this year alone. Would you consider contributing toward that amount. I'm also hoping to find someone (or a few someones) who, at the end of each year, would be willing to see the gap I have in my funding and say I or we can take care of that. If God has blessed you with the means to do it, I pray you might consider being a huge part in my ministry and a huge blessing to the Beautiful Gate community. If you decide you do want to join me prayerfully or financially, both my contact and donation information can be found in the right hand sidebar of my blog page.
Thank you to all those who have already come alongside me to help make this ministry a reality. And thank you in advance to those who will.
The Other Side Of The Mission Field
Recently a fellow missionary friend of mine shared a blog post she found with me. It's titled "10 Things Your Missionary Will Not Tell You," written by Joe Holman, a missionary in Bolivia (read it yourself here: http://joe-holman.blogspot.com/2014/08/ten-things-that-your-missionary-will.html?m=1). Joe expresses many of the frustrations that accompany the joys and blessings of being a missionary. He doesn't whine and complain, but tactfully shares many of the "behind the scenes" sort of things that come with the territory of mission work. I won't say all his words are true for every missionary in every circumstance. If you read through the comments after the post, though, you'll see that he strikes a cord in the hearts of many in the missionary community. I myself couldn't help relating to each of his points to one degree or another. The truth about being a missionary is the same truth for every job, career, or calling out there. It's the same truth for being human. The truth is it's not always pretty or fun or glamorous. Oftentimes it's lonely, frustrating, exhausting, and it can leave you feeling like you're on empty, like you've got nothing left to offer. Joe's right when he writes his post. These are the things we, as missionaries, don't want to share with everyone else. Just like teachers, pastors, nurses, business men/women, we want to appear like we have things under control (especially when we feel like much of our financial support depends on it). The truth, though, is that we're human too. We need the Lord's help just as much as anyone else, even when we know beyond a shadow of a doubt we are doing the work He has called us to do. And the truth is it's silly for us to try and hide these parts of our lives. Instead of hiding behind fake facades and pretending we're thriving when we're really just scraping by, how much more beneficial would it be to share the reality of our situations and come together to support one another as the body of Christ, as the Church? My hope and prayer is that Joe's blog, and other resources like his, will encourage us missionaries to be more transparent about all the aspects of our ministries with those who are supporting us. And I hope it will provide our supporters and donors with more meaningful ways to understand our situations and, therein, be able to support us even better and more holistically than they already do.
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