Blink

They say time flies when you're having fun (whoever "they" are). Blink your eye and it'll be over. I was told countless times before and during my college years that they would fly by. And recently a good friend has told me a number of times that time only seems to go by quicker the older you get. The last month or so for me has confirmed and re-confirmed just how quickly time passes us by.

My last month in Lesotho this year was a whirlwind to say the least. Terp left at the end of May, so June was my first opportunity to spread my wings and fly solo, so to speak. In June we had two back-to-back teams from Holland Christian High School in Michigan, USA as well as introducing Beautiful Gate to a new church from Denver, Colorado as they served another ministry in Lesotho for the first time. I knew going into the month that it was going to be busy and challenging, especially since it would be my first time truly leading teams on my own. It definitely was those things, but so much more too. I can't emphasize enough how faithful God is and how perfectly His plan is laid out before us, if we're only willing to humble ourselves and listen to Him as He leads and guides us.

As with any team, I had a schedule for the week planned out, you know, as a baseline. But, as with every team also, that schedule proved to be very fluid and changed more times than I can count. Mike and Tim, the leaders of these teams, have both been to Lesotho and Beautiful Gate many times and, over the years, have made many connections and relationships with individuals and other ministries. That being said, it meant there was always something more these teams wanted to be able to do.

Let me pause here and just express my deep love and gratitude for Mike and Tim. These two guys are true servants for God's Kingdom and every change to our schedule was proof of how they allow God to lead their lives, not their own need to stick to a routine. I can only hope that I'm able to put my relationships with God and other people at the absolute forefront of my life the way these guys do. 

Anyway, after a month of playing with children, loving housemothers, encouraging missionaries, ministering to teen mothers, building greenhouses and benches, playing soccer with juvenile delinquents, painting interiors and exteriors of multiple buildings, aiding street kids, praising God in His house, praising God in His creation, seeing two individuals come to know Jesus, laughing until we cried, and crying until we laughed the teams were done. All the months of preparation and the long hours of leading these teams were finished. I couldn't believe (and I sort of still can't believe) how quickly it all went by. I really felt like I blinked and it was done. Not only that, but I feel like I blinked and 5 months were done.

As I sit writing this now I'm currently back in good old Grand Rapids, Michigan. I'm all moved in and settled into my new home for the next six months. I'm already making plans and getting ready for the next phase of my job as North American Ambassador. I'm reconnecting with friends and family. As I do all that, though, I realize too that it's already been a week since I got home. How is that even possible? If I'm not careful I'm going to blink again and be flying back to Lesotho already. Time is so weird. It's somehow simultaneously the most predictable and most unpredictable thing. You just never know if each second is going to drag on or if 5 months is going to fly by. When I think about time like that I'm so grateful we serve a God who is above and outside of time. It has no effect on Him whatsoever. No matter how fast or slow our lives seem to be moving along, God is always present with us. He's faithful to provide what we need when we need it. As I reflect back on the sonic-boom that was June 2016 I'm grateful that I can see God's hand in every fleeting moment of it. What a blessing, what an honor, what a privilege it is to be in the company and service of such a God.

As I look ahead to the next six months, and the years after, I am so excited. Regardless of how slowly or quickly they come I'm assured that God will be with me every step of the way. He will provide for my needs. He will lead me and guide me. He will equip me for whatever He calls me to. And one day, after a few good blinks, I'll get to see my Jesus face to face. I can't wait for how amazing that will be. Until then, though, I pray that I have the presence of mind to see God in every moment and in every face between each blink.

Peace Out

Hindsight is one of the greatest gifts for recognizing God's faithfulness in your life. As I sit in my office overlooking the BG playground on this sunny May afternoon in Lesotho I can't help but be amazed at how intricately involved God has been in every step of bringing me to this place. He gave me to parents who know the importance of following Christ and were intentional about raising me up in the faith and encouraging me to be involved in the church. He brought us to a church where I would befriend other young people who would later share their positive experiences at a place called Calvin College and encourage me to visit. At Calvin God led me to an exploratory ministry internship that brought me to a church in Redlands, California. There, He brought Beautiful Gate to my attention. From there He led others to get me in contact with Christina Terpstra, BG's North American Ambassador, and at the end of our short meeting I was committing to spending a year in Lesotho. During my time at Beautiful Gate during that first year God provided the opportunity to take the reins of the North American Ambassador role from Terp. And here I am.

I'm reflecting on each of these chapters of my life now because this week a new one will begin to unfold. Last Wednesday I said goodbye to Terp as she finished out her time here on the ground in Lesotho as Beautiful Gate's North American Ambassador. She and I will still travel together and advocate for BG later this year, but until July I am flying solo for the first time in the team leading aspect of this job. God has made it so clear that this is the role He wants me in. Every chapter of my life has led to this one. Because of that I have full confidence that He will equip and prepare me to do this job with excellence and for His glory. But I also have confidence because He spent the last 5 months preparing me via an incredible teacher/trainer/mentor/predecessor/friend/etc.

Terp, this post goes out to you. It's my opportunity to thank you and recognize you in front of all those who are loving and supporting me in this role. It's my way of shining a light on the incredible impact you've had on Beautiful Gate's legacy and on the lives of each and every child we've had in our care while you were here. I know you don't want this kind of recognition, and I don't say it to boost your pride or to convince others you're a superhero. I say it because in and of yourself you didn't do anything. I say it because you allowed God to use you, to work in and through you, for His glory. I say it because your presence reflected Jesus to every child, staff member, and volunteer at Beautiful Gate. I say it not to make your name great, but to make God's name great! Your journey with BG is a testament to all of us of what God can accomplish if we are humbled before Him, willing and ready to follow wherever He leads. Thank you for setting such a wonderful example for me as I move into this position. Thank you for your leadership, training, and all you did to prepare me to do this job. Thank you for your friendship and the constant love, support, and encouragement that comes with knowing you. Thank you.

Terp, your fingerprint will forever be on Beautiful Gate. The joy and laughter your brought will never be forgotten. I'm so grateful to God for providing you to help make me ready to fill in your shoes, to grab the baton, and to continue growing the ministry and community God used you to start building.

Molimo a o hlohonolofatse, makhotsioaka!

                                            

Reality to the Fullest

Yesterday our campus chaplain expressed a truth that we were all feeling, but unable to put into words. He said, "Today we experience the reality of this place [Beautiful Gate] in its fullness."

Last week I was on a holiday with a few other missionary families. It was a wonderful time to just get away for a while, relax, unwind, and be re-energized before my last teams of 2016 come in June. About halfway through the week, though, I received a message that was both unexpected and undesired.

"A child died this morning."

I didn't know what to think. I didn't know how to feel. I was seven hours away from Beautiful Gate, so I felt so removed from the situation. It was the first death of a child I had experienced since coming to BG at the end of 2014. As a BG community we hadn't had a child pass away since 2013. Obviously we all know that death is a reality wherever you are. And I knew it was always a possibility at BG considering part of the campus tour I've given countless times includes a stop at our memorial wall to commemorate and honor the 41 children that have passed away in our care. It was still  a shock, though, and, honestly, is something many of us are still processing through.

Yesterday we buried our beautiful child's body. As I woke up in the morning I again didn't know what to feel or expect. The child was just a baby. She wasn't with us very long at all. I hadn't had the opportunity to spend time with her or get to know her. When the time came a group of us walked to the road that leads to the cemetery. There we waited for the funeral services to bring the body. As the truck turned the corner the housemothers and other staff immediately began to sing. It was a balm for my struggling heart and soul. It wasn't a soft, quiet mournful singing. They sang traditional Sesotho hymns and they sang them loud. It was a combination of one of the most beautiful and saddest things I've ever heard. As we reached the grave that our maintenance men had spend the morning digging we all gathered around and a few men retrieved the casket from the back of the truck. That was when the first big lump formed in my throat and a bit of reality set in. I have never seen a casket that small. It was almost alarming how small it was. Once the singing ended the speeches began. Our campus nurse, housemothers, local community members, the district chief, and our chaplain all spoke words of truth and encouragement. The service was peppered with more singing and plenty of tears. After the speeches the casket was lowered into the grave. The women all received flowers that they placed in the grave as they took a moment to walk past and say goodbye. Then the men helped to fill the grave with the fresh earth. And then it was over. It was a beautiful service.

As I sat contemplating and praying through the events of the morning the Lord encouraged me with an image. We often talk about God as the author of our lives. He's the greatest storyteller there will ever be. As I imagined God writing the stories of our lives, I couldn't help but think that our lives on this earth are only the prologue of a much greater story. The life we know this side of heaven is only the pre-story. It's the set up for what's to come. We say so many times, especially at times like this, that death isn't the end. It's only the beginning in many ways. As I reflected further on the funeral we did that morning I realized that death was merely the turning of a page in our precious child's story. She no longer experiences the difficulties, pain, or suffering that comes in the prologue. She's now experiencing the fullness of Christ's love in the fuller, truer, perfect narrative He has for her. Hallelujah!

And despite the pain, the grief, and mourning we experience here in the wake of our baby's passing, God remains faithful. And He proved it in the most beautiful way yesterday. The very day we experienced the worst part of Beautiful Gate, God blessed us with the ability to witness the best part as well. Hardly an hour after the funeral finished an adoptive family arrived to meet their new daughter for the first time and take her to be a part of their forever family. It was a gentle reminder that He is in control. He knows what we need even before we do. And He is a good, good Father who loves His children with an unconditional, unwavering, unending love. Praise be to Him who who provides for those we commit into the arms of loving parents as well as those we commit into His own loving arms.

Gentle Reminders

Remember. I feel like I talk a lot about remembering on this blog. I don't mean to, but I often end up writing about how I'm reminded of this or that. When I think about it, though, it makes so much sense to me. For a long time now I've been convicted of the importance of that simple word, "remember." Remembering is the key to our faith in God. Think of how often God had to tell the Israelites to remember something He'd done for them in the past. How often they needed to be reminded that He is God and He is faithful. How often they needed a reminder because too often they forgot. We're really not so different today. The gods and idols we turn to and the distractions we get caught up with may look different, but we too are in constant need of reminding that God is the One and Only. Nothing else will satisfy. Nothing else will do. Too often we forget that truth. I need every reminder I can get.

Today that came in the form of some quiet time in one of the baby houses. The house mothers had a meeting and several of our long-term volunteers who would generally cover the houses are sick, so I found myself back in a house like last year. It was only for about 45 minutes, but in that time I was able to feed a bottle to a new baby girl. She is so small, so light, so fragile. She woke up from her nap crying. As soon as I held her in my arms she calmed down. She watched me with such inquisitive eyes. She wasn't afraid at all, just curious. As the other children napped I also spent some one-on-one time with one of the little boys who was very much awake. He kept pulling himself up on the side of the crib so he could see me. Eventually I took him out and we just sat together. His little hands roved over mine, investigating my white skin. He quickly made his way to my face, checking out the hair on my chin and the strange glass walls that covered my eyes. Again, he wasn't scared, just curious. As I sat on the bed with him on my lap, and as he nuzzled his head under my chin, I was, once again, reminded of why God has called me to Lesotho, to Beautiful Gate. Even though I work primarily in the office and with teams now and my time with the kids is limited, they and the house mothers are still my number one priority. They are the ones I fundraise for. Theirs are the stories I share with all of you. They are the ones I'm a mouthpiece and advocate for. They are why I'm in Africa. It's because of and through them that I'm able to give the greatest glory to God with my life. And, ultimately, that's why I'm here.

Thank you my dear children for the gentle reminders. Thank you Father for your constant faithfulness, love, and grace. My I always remember who I'm here for and what I'm here to do.

Living Water

I think it probably goes without saying that life in Lesotho looks a lot different than life in the U.S. Cultural differences aside there are all sorts of little things I do here on a daily basis that I don't do in the States. It's the difference of living in a first-world country vs. a third-world country. It's not bad, just different.

One of the greatest hassles of living here is having to filter water. Just by looking at the tap water (usually) you wouldn't know there was bacteria in it. For the most part it runs clear and looks refreshing. At this point my system is probably used to it and I could most likely drink it straight from the tap without being sentenced to a week in the bathroom. Better to be safe than sorry, though, right?  I really shouldn't complain because we have filters in our houses, so we don't have to boil water or run it through a coffee filter. At the same time, though, when all I want is a glass of water and the water jugs are empty it's just plain annoying.

A few weeks ago I was, once again, filling the water jugs in my house when I was reminded of the story of the woman at the well in John 4:

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "will you give me a drink?" (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food). 
The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans). 
Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." 
"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?" 
Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." 
The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."
Verses 7-15

As I watched the water slowly fill up the jug it hit me that I was just like the Samaritan woman. My constant refilling the water jugs suddenly became an analogy for other parts of my life. So often I keep returning to different wells in order to draw up things that I hope will fulfill and sustain me, only to have to return again and again and again. I'm never satisfied. My thirst is never quenched. When I try and live out my life my own way, by my own power, I'm always disappointed. Like the woman at the well, I question Jesus and doubt that he can do what he says he can do.

But the beauty is that Jesus CAN do what he says he will do. He doesn't need any equipment to draw living water out of the well because he is the living water. Jesus doesn't offer us some external item; he offers himself. This is the truth of what we've just celebrated this past weekend. Jesus offered himself upon the cross as THE sacrificial lamb. He was and is the end all, be all, once and for all propitiation for our sins. He casts our sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) and the Father sees us as pure and blameless. Jesus died so that we may have life. But the Jesus I serve is even more powerful than that! He didn't stop there! He defeated death and rose from the grave with new and eternal life so that we too might have eternal life, new life. The journey from Palm Sunday to Resurrection Sunday is the fulfillment of the promise Jesus makes at that well in John 4. He died and rose again to give us that living water, to give us himself, in such a way that it will never ever ever run out.

Now as I refill the water jugs in my house and enjoy a cold, refreshing glass of water I remember, even though physically I will thirst again, spiritually my thirst has been quenched because of my Jesus, the living water that will never run dry. Hallelujah!

Good Food and Good Company

Yesterday I was just having a day. It wasn't a bad day, but it wasn't a particularly great one either. I woke up tired and felt pretty lethargic most of the day. I felt like I was hitting the proverbial wall. Since we have a team here right now that wasn't good. And, unfortunately, they noticed. I had a couple of the team members ask if I was feeling alright. I was fine, but I was spent. Earlier in the day I was trying to learn a couple new worship songs for evening devotions and I just couldn't get them right. I couldn't focus. And it really frustrated me. In hindsight I realize I was no longer practicing as a means of worshiping the Lord, but because it was part of my job. I felt like I had given everything I had and for some reason I wasn't getting recharged. Honestly, when it came time to head over for dinner and Family Time I was wishing I was heading for bed instead.
That is, until we had dinner. Oh my word, never in my life have I so vividly experienced the power good food and good company can have on one's attitude and outlook. The team that is here right now is from Mississippi. One of the women, in addition to serving us here at Beautiful Gate, is serving the team as the chef. And last night she made gumbo. To put it mildly, it was one of the best things I have ever put in my mouth. The food I've eaten with this team alone could turn me southern. More than that, though, this team is the epitome of "southern hospitality." They came to BG with a heart and a vision for serving the kids, as most teams do, but once here, they caught an even bigger vision. While they love playing with the kids, I've witnessed them blessing our house mothers with personal prayers and shoulder massages. They've taken the time to pour into our volunteers because they see how exhausted many of us are. They have blessed us with the gift of new swing sets on our playground, but one team member in particular went beyond that and spent time praying over the swings and literally writing Scripture into the wet concrete. They realize that coming to Lesotho, coming to Beautiful Gate isn't about getting a pat on the back. It's not about adding new stamps in their passports. In the end, it's not even about serving an orphan, a widow, or a tired missionary. They're here to serve God, to bring Him glory through their actions, to shed light on who He is and point others toward Him. They just get it.
As I was eating that delicious gumbo and sharing in fellowship with the team my spirit was rejuvenated. I physically felt more alert, more alive than I had just moments before. I felt more in tune with my Abba because my brothers and sisters were pointing me back to Him simply by serving a meal and sharing their hearts. That is what fellowship is all about. There doesn't have to be an elaborate planned out event with specific goals outlined and professional speakers for your spirit to be refreshed and grown. God made humans (plural) for a reason. He made us to be in community with Himself and with one another. After last night, my spirit is hungry and yearning for more. More time spent with my Papa. More time spent with my brothers and sisters. More time sharing our hearts and how we've seen God working, but also more time telling jokes and stories. All in all, I long for more time doing life with people who are seeking God together and encouraging one another along the way.

My Greatest Reward

This year I've been striving to go deeper in my study of Scripture. In the past I've read through the Bible a few different times. I've tackled numerous reading plans, both chronological and otherwise. Despite having read through the Bible in its entirety more than once, I'm far from feeling like I really know Scripture. I see this as problematic not only because the story Scripture tells is our story as Christians, but more so because Scripture is supposed to have a transformative effect on our lives. How can I expect to be transformed if I don't know one of the paramount things that's meant to help transform me? I know these things are true because of the few passages of Scripture I do know well. The biblical passages I hold dear to my heart and I truly feel like I know have altered the way I perceive God and the world around me. Imagine if that were the case in regards to every Scripture passage! Imagine how in tune with God's will I would be if I knew His Word, His Story, as well as I know the story of Harry Potter or the story arc of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (yes, for those who didn't know before, I am a huge nerd). That's why this year I've been trying to do more than simply read a chapter a day. Instead I'm trying to go through a chapter slowly, writing down my thoughts as I go, and praying into what God reveals to me afterward. Yes, it takes me longer than quickly reading a chapter and moving on with my day, but reading the Bible for the sake of reading it was never really the point, was it? Again, what good is it to have read the Bible without really knowing what it says?

All this is to say that this morning I was reminded that God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him and His Word. As I read, wrote, and prayed through my devotion this morning I really felt God speak to me through a passage of Scripture I've only ever quickly read over before. Today I read through 1 Corinthians 9. In the beginning bulk of the chapter Paul talks about all the rights he has as an apostle. As I reflected I wrote, "Just as modern day preachers' salaries are drawn out of the tithes of the church, so too did Paul have a right to some form of material gain from those he ministered to." In the same way we don't expect the pastors of our churches to do their jobs for free, Paul had every right to expect some form of compensation or reward for the work he did. But listen to what he says in verses 15-18:

          But I have not used any of these rights. And I am not writing this in the hope that you will do               such things for me, for I would rather die than allow anyone to deprive me of this boast. For               when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, since I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not           preach the gospel! If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply                   discharging the trust committed to me. What then is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the           gospel I may offer it free of charge, and so not misuse my rights as a preacher of the gospel.

Paul saw his calling to preach the gospel as so much more than a job. He speaks of it as a duty, but it's evident he saw it as more than that even. Paul clearly saw the task before him, preaching the gospel, as a privilege and, as he says himself, a reward in itself. And as I recognized that I realized God was reminding me why I'm here at Beautiful Gate. I'm not here to be a "super Christian" or a "super missionary" by any means (in fact sometimes I don't even feel like a very good Christian or missionary, but that's beside the point). Yes, I'm here to care for orphans and widows, but caring for others isn't the end goal either. The point of my being here is to point others to Jesus. Whether it's verbally sharing the gospel story or reflecting that story in the way I live my life, that's the ultimate goal of my life. If people here or people back home can say they know Jesus better because of me I count that as a win. Hugs, compliments, and recognition are nice and all, but knowing that I had a hand in drawing someone else closer to Jesus is the greatest reward I could ever receive.

The Start of Something New

February 12 launched us into short-term team season here at Beautiful Gate. Between now and when I leave at the end of June we have four more teams, as well as five after I’ve returned to the U.S. Needless to say, 2016 is turning out to be one of the busiest years we’ve had at BG with teams.

Over the last ten days I dove headfirst into my new role as North American Ambassador with our first team of the year. Graafschap CRC from Holland, MI has been a great team. They’ve worked hard, fallen head over heels with our children and housemothers, and blessed us all with their hearts and service. It’s been a pleasure being a part of leading this team and introducing many of them to Beautiful Gate for the first time. As hard as it is to see people come and go so often I’m already learning to prepare my heart for the constant change and shifting that is inherent in this job. This first team leaves tomorrow, but we only have just over a week before the next team arrives. It’s a fast paced gig with and many nights leave me wondering what exactly I did all day.

I’m also learning just how much work being a team coordinator is. Months are spent preparing for these teams. We meet with them a number of times before they ever set foot on campus. We prepare the staff for their coming. We make plans and schedules and preparations for their arrival. Those plans and schedules inevitably get changed throughout their time here. We’re responsible for guiding them in their work and helping them have positive experiences in a new place. We lead devotions in the evenings, attempting to help them see things from a perspective we can only hope they’ll catch a glimpse of during their short stay. We live where we work, so we’re constantly “on the clock” leaving us completely exhausted at the end of the team’s visit.

Despite the 120+ hour work week, the constant catering to and balancing the needs of both the team and the staff/children, and never really being in control even though you’ve planned things out several times over, I’m so grateful that God has given me this privilege and opportunity. It’s not easy, but God never promises that our lives will be easy. In fact, He promises just the opposite! This job forces me to persevere when I feel defeated. It forces me to rely on God when I’m physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained. It forces me to meet, work with, and love all kinds of people from all over the world. Most of all it forces me to trust my Abba and His plan for my life and the lives of all those I interact with. There’s no way I can do this on my own and, to be honest, I really don’t want to. Truthfully, I hope people don’t really remember me after they’ve finished serving at Beautiful Gate. My greatest hope and joy would be for every team to see the work God is doing in this place. My honor is to walk them through and lead them to the feet of Jesus. My desire is to be invisible so that Christ can be made visible in a whole new way for everyone who sets foot on Beautiful Gate’s campus.

It’s clear to me now that I’ve signed on to a massive and incredibly complex position. There’s a lot of responsibility. There’s a lot of work. But it’s also clear to me now, after this week and a half, there’s a lot of reward too. As chaotic as teams can be it is evident that God uses them to do immeasurably more than we could do as an isolated group of staff and long-term volunteers. They are our advocates all over the world. They are our encouragers and prayer warriors. They allow us to see this place with new eyes again and be reminded of why we are here in the first place. This is the beginning of a wild ride and I can’t wait to see what God has in store.

Squirming in the Father's Arms

Beautiful Gate has been seeing a lot of transition lately. In the three weeks I've been back this year I've already seen two adoptions, one reunification, three transfers, and three new arrivals. It's been a bit of a whirlwind to say the least.
Our most recent arrival last Friday is an absolutely precious little boy. He's not quite two years-old, but he's very small for his age. He's just a little squirt. That's fairly normal for a lot of the kids we receive, though. The thing that really captured my attention about him was how completely terrified he was to be here. We receive a lot of children when they are babies and they don't really know any different in regards to where they are. It's hard to tell if they cry because they're scared or if they're hungry. That's definitely not the case with this boy. His tears and his poor shaking little body were clearly due to fear. He's old enough to realize his life has been radically altered and I completely understand his reaction. He's suddenly surrounded by hordes of new people. Children are pulling at him from every side. He doesn't know that his next meal is guaranteed, let alone that he'll get three a day. In the end, everything is an unknown to him right now and his only reaction is fear.
On his first day at playgroup I stuck close to this little guy. Sometimes he let me hold him for a while, but eventually he'd start to cry again and he wanted down. After a few minutes he'd wander back asking to be held again. I ended up taking him away from the big group for a bit to try and help him feel a little less overwhelmed. As I held his trembling frame and physically felt his demeanor change between being tense and melting into my arms I couldn't help but imagine that the situation was very similar to my relationship with God. How often do I let fear and anxiety of the unknown drive my thoughts and actions? How often to I tremble and fight and squirm when God just wants me to rest in His arms? How often do I fail to trust God when He gently whispers that He loves me and He's not going to let anything harm me?
Today I visited with my little friend again in playgroup. He's still pretty hesitant. He would play with a toy for a little while if I gave it to him, but he's mostly still taking it all in. He held up his arms a lot, asking me to hold him, so I did. When I had to leave, though, he started to cry again. It breaks my heart to see such a sweet boy so scared. But each day we show him more and more that he can trust us. Each day we give him a little more reason to feel like he can relax. I know that in a few weeks or months he'll be unrecognizable. I've seen it with several kids before. Once he realizes he's safe here he'll open up. Once he realizes he's loved here he'll love us back. And before you know it he'll be running around, laughing, and playing with the other kids. He'll be able to be a kid himself.
The same goes for our relationship with God. Every day He gives us more and more reasons to trust Him. Every day He provides exactly what we need when we need it. He will never leave us and He will never harm us. I know that as I continue pursuing this relationship with my Father my desire for Him will grow and will eventually eclipse any fears that I may have. Even though I may squirm and tremble and cry in His arms now, I have hope knowing He's the one holding me. My comfort is in the fact that He's the Father and I get to be His child.

A Breath of Fresh Air

Last Friday, on one of our weekly trips into town with a few of the BG kids we met a group of missionaries who had just gotten to Lesotho. Let me begin by saying they are awesome! A couple of them came up to us and introduced their group. They are 7 young men and women working through Adventures in Missions doing the World Race program. For those who don't know, this is a program that launches missionaries into 11 countries over the course of 11 months. We learned that these missionaries pretty much do a little bit of anything and everything. Sometimes they stay with hosts and sometimes they camp in tents. Sometimes they teach English, sometimes they put a new roof on a church, and sometimes their goals are a little less defined. This month, while in Lesotho, they are meeting up with several already established missions organizations in order to build rapport and lay a foundation for future teams to come to these organizations in order to minister to and provide emotional support and encouragement to the missionaries already serving there. These are folks who actively know what it's like to be a missionary, so they know that, while financial support is incredibly important, emotional and psychological health is too.
After chatting with them for a bit at Wimpy (a restaurant here in Lesotho) we exchanged information and talked about having them over to visit Beautiful Gate. I can't explain why exactly, but I was so excited for them to come and to spend more time with them. So, instead of waiting for them to come over on Wednesday we invited them to church on Sunday. After the service we were able to talk more and get to know each other a little better. It was such a gift to be able to share experiences with other missionaries in my age bracket.
On Wednesday our new friends were able to visit us on campus. They came to our weekly chapel and, if they're anything like me, were more caught up in what the kids were doing than what was actually going on in chapel (oops...). Afterwards, Terp and I gave them a tour of campus and shared BG's history and stories with them. As we visited the baby houses it was a testament to the call God gives us to care for orphans and widows as I watched these 7 individuals fall in love with our kids mere moments after having met them. In fact it was difficult to pull them away! Can't blame them for that, though. After the tour several of the BG volunteers helped prepare a meal of traditional food that we shared together. As we ate with our hands we shared more stories with one another. There was a lot of laughter and sharing each other's burdens as we talked about many of the ups and downs we've experienced in our different journeys. Finally, we ended the evening praising God. We sang a handful of worship songs, we prayed, and we simply enjoyed being in fellowship together as we rested at the feet of Jesus. It was a night for the books to say the least.
I'm not writing this post just to share a cool experience with everyone (even though it was a really cool experience). I wanted to share this because there are no coincidences. I believe with all my heart that God orchestrated us meeting our new friends for specific reasons. Some are evident to us now. We clearly were able to further each other's missions. We are able to be an organization with whom they can potentially partner with in the future. They were able to fulfill their goal to encourage us in ways we didn't even know we needed. I believe there are other reasons God brought us together, though. We can't begin to imagine what they might be yet, but God is consistently placing them on my heart. So I continue to pray for them. I continue to pray with them. Though we just met, the love for my brothers and sisters continues to grow each day. Perhaps when they leave Lesotho I'll never see any of them again this side of Heaven (praise God for social media so we can at least keep in contact!), but I don't know what God's plan for any of us is. Maybe some of them will come back to BG. Maybe our paths will cross again in our travels. Regardless of what happens in the future, God reminded me on Wednesday how incredible His family is. As we entered our time together as strangers and left as family I can't help but think we experienced a small taste of what heaven will be like. It doesn't matter who we are, where we're from, what we're doing, or where we're going. As long as we together share a faith in Jesus Christ we will always be a family and we will always have the hope of seeing each other again when we together physically bow at the feet of the Almighty.

Abba,
Thank you for being Dad. Thank you for adopting us into your family, thereby making us brothers and sisters through your Son. Thank you too for our new friends. I ask that you continue to bless and protect them in their travels. Continue to equip them to fulfill the call you've placed on their lives. Even after they complete their World Race experience, grant them them wisdom, discernment, and hearts that are actively listening for your voice. May they have the assurance and the confidence that you will never let them go, no matter where they end up, no matter what they end up doing. Thank you, Father, for allowing our paths to cross, if even only for a short time. To you alone be all the glory, honor, and praise.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen

The Epitome of Bittersweet

Last year I wrote a post about one of our beautiful five-year old girls. Her mother had been in prison for much of her young life, but had recently been released. We waited in anticipation for her to come for this precious girl after we were informed the government had given her permission to reclaim her daughter. As you may recall from my previous post, however, she never showed up. We never heard from her. And our sweet girl, who so often claimed she was going home with her mom soon, despite us never having told her this, had her dream taken away from her again. It was absolutely heartbreaking. But life went on. We moved past the sorrow and the pain, and clung to the joy and goodness that comes from God and His perfect provision despite our circumstances.

Last week this memory came flooding back to me. Almost 8 months later we once again received word that our girl's mother was coming to get her. The Beautiful Gate house mothers told our girl. She was so excited. Her smile threatened to crack her face in half. They dressed her up in her best clothes and prepared her for a most anticipated reunion. The day came and went, though, and once again her mother didn't show up. And once again our girl was crushed. She cried herself to sleep that night. Even at six-years old she knew exactly what was going on. She knew how close she was to having her dream come true, only to have it snatched away yet again. When I heard about this my heart broke all over again. I was so disappointed for our precious girl. I tried my best not to be angry or judgmental toward her mother. I still didn't know this woman's story or circumstances. There could have been any number of reasons, some totally legitimate, for why she didn't show up. But knowing how hurt our girl was made it very difficult to show grace.

The next day, however, we were surprised. We got another call telling us this girl's mother would be coming to pick up her daughter. It was sort of like ripping a bandage off a fresh wound. The pain, sorrow, and confusion of the previous day washed over all of us afresh. We told our girl's house mothers and they refused to tell her or get her ready until the mother showed up on campus. We didn't argue. Within the next thirty minutes, though, she was here. Our girl's mother was here. Her dream was finally coming true! We went to tell her and get her ready. It was like the previous day had never happened. Once again she was all smiles. She was so excited. She put on her best dress and her prettiest shoes and waited impatiently for the rest of us to get everything in order. Finally, we took her back to the office where her mother was waiting. Our girl was shy at first, but after a few minutes her smile was back and bigger than ever. She wouldn't leave her mother's side except when we hugged and kissed her goodbye. Seeing the joy in her eyes was incredible. It filled me with hope and reminded me once again why I'm here. At the same time, however, I looked at her mother's face and didn't see the same joy. I didn't see the same longing and desire that our girl had. Again, I don't know this woman. I don't know how she expresses her feelings. But I couldn't help feeling my heart drop just a bit.

It's moments like that one that perfectly capture why I love and hate my job all at the same time. We want the best for our kids. Sometimes we get to see that happen for them and we are sure of it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Other times we're not so sure. Other times we simply do what we have to do and rely on God to do the rest. The truth is people in this world will always disappoint us, but God never will. The promises of Jeremiah 29:11 are encouraging. Most of us know them by heart. ""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."" We can take even more encouragement out of these promises, though, when we realize that God promises these things to His people when they are in the midst of exile in Babylon. Despite the circumstances we find ourselves in, God is there and He is faithful. He will never let us down. Though we don't know how life is going for our beautiful girl right now, we know that God does. We place our hope for her in His hands and we trust that His plans are to prosper her and her mother, and to give them hope and a blessed future together.

New Beginnings (Again)

It is so similar…

Returning to Lesotho, in a lot of ways, has been so familiar. I experienced many of the same feelings departing the U.S. that I did last year. I felt sad that I had to leave my family and friends for another long period of time. I know God will care for them, but it’s difficult knowing life moves on back home and there’s a lot that I will miss. I also felt a great deal of excitement for the adventures ahead of me.

Walking back on campus for the first time was much the same as last year as well. I felt peace and comfort knowing this will be my home for the next several months.

The love and joy I experienced when I saw the kids for the first time was just as intense and overwhelming.

I’m living with the same people I lived with when I came last year. I get to work with many of the same incredible people this year too.

Just like last year I enjoy spending free time with the other volunteers. We eat meals together. We go to church together. We go on adventures together (Lord willing we’ll be hiking this weekend!). We watch Marvel movies on the weekends together.

The local people, both the staff at Beautiful Gate and people around town, are still so incredibly friendly and I love getting to know them.

The joy of seeing kids brought into new families and the sorrow of seeing others abandoned are still overwhelming and incredibly motivating.

In so many ways it feels like I never left. It feels like I’ve picked up right where I left off and no time has passed in between.

But at the same time…

It is so different…

Returning to Lesotho, in a lot of ways, seems so foreign. It definitely feels like home, but so many things have changed on campus and around town. When I drive to the mall to go grocery shopping I find that several shops have moved or gone out of business. Friends I made last year are no longer around.

Some of the kids I grew to love are no longer on campus. In some cases that’s a huge answer to prayer because they are now with forever families, receiving the love and care they deserve. In others, though, it’s heartbreaking because we have had to transfer the to other care facilities or return them to situations where we cannot be sure they are being cared for at all.

My daily schedule is different. Instead of going to a baby house at 7am I go to the office by 8am. Despite not having to start my day until later I find myself getting up earlier (like 5:30am earlier). I got to watch the sunrise on my first morning back. In the mornings I eat breakfast (I know. Me? Breakfast?) and I spend quality time with God in the Word. Those are the only parts of my day that’s a given. Unlike last year, when I pretty much knew where I’d be at any given moment throughout the day, I never know what’s going to be on the agenda.

I’m no longer a baby house volunteer or a “house father,” but now I’m a North American Ambassador. I’ll get to work more directly with those who love and support Beautiful Gate! But I also won’t be as directly involved with the kids’ daily schedules. Thank God for afternoon playgroup where I can go out and be with my kids.

In some significant ways I can really feel my absence over the last few months. It feels like so much has happened and changed since I was last here in September.

Despite the seeming conflict between the similar and the different, the old and the new, I take comfort in the fact that my God is constant. In the good and the bad He is still God. He is with me every moment of every day, whether I’m in Africa or in North America. Even in the continual back and forth nature of my life I find stability knowing I’m right where God wants me to be.

I'm Baaaaack!

I'm back at Beautiful Gate and it feels so good! What a blessing! I don't even know where to begin! As hard as it was to say goodbye to my family and friends again (and I do miss them you all very much), knowing what I was going to gave me a great sense of excitement, joy, and eagerness. The long hours of travel and "sleeping" in airports was grueling, but it was all worth it the moment I walked back on campus! I got back as the kids were playing outside for playgroup and as soon as I was inside the gate I was literally bombarded by children screaming my name. All fears of being forgotten by these precious kids were put to rest immediately. I spent most of yesterday picking up kid after kid and reconnecting with staff and volunteers. It was pure bliss. And the best part? It's just the beginning. God has a whole new set of experiences for me this year. Some of them will be familiar, like yesterday, but many of them will be completely new as I move forward in my role as North American Ambassador. I'm excited for all of them!
This morning I woke up early. I made breakfast and got ready for the day. As I was sitting in my living room doing devotions I heard my name being shouted from the nearby baby houses. I got up and looked outside to see a handful of my kids standing on the porch yelling for me, hoping I was awake and would come out. It was such a perfect reminder of why I'm here. I can only hope that each day this year starts out as beautifully as today did. It's good to be back!