This year I've been striving to go deeper in my study of Scripture. In the past I've read through the Bible a few different times. I've tackled numerous reading plans, both chronological and otherwise. Despite having read through the Bible in its entirety more than once, I'm far from feeling like I really know Scripture. I see this as problematic not only because the story Scripture tells is our story as Christians, but more so because Scripture is supposed to have a transformative effect on our lives. How can I expect to be transformed if I don't know one of the paramount things that's meant to help transform me? I know these things are true because of the few passages of Scripture I do know well. The biblical passages I hold dear to my heart and I truly feel like I know have altered the way I perceive God and the world around me. Imagine if that were the case in regards to every Scripture passage! Imagine how in tune with God's will I would be if I knew His Word, His Story, as well as I know the story of Harry Potter or the story arc of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (yes, for those who didn't know before, I am a huge nerd). That's why this year I've been trying to do more than simply read a chapter a day. Instead I'm trying to go through a chapter slowly, writing down my thoughts as I go, and praying into what God reveals to me afterward. Yes, it takes me longer than quickly reading a chapter and moving on with my day, but reading the Bible for the sake of reading it was never really the point, was it? Again, what good is it to have read the Bible without really knowing what it says?
All this is to say that this morning I was reminded that God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him and His Word. As I read, wrote, and prayed through my devotion this morning I really felt God speak to me through a passage of Scripture I've only ever quickly read over before. Today I read through 1 Corinthians 9. In the beginning bulk of the chapter Paul talks about all the rights he has as an apostle. As I reflected I wrote, "Just as modern day preachers' salaries are drawn out of the tithes of the church, so too did Paul have a right to some form of material gain from those he ministered to." In the same way we don't expect the pastors of our churches to do their jobs for free, Paul had every right to expect some form of compensation or reward for the work he did. But listen to what he says in verses 15-18:
But I have not used any of these rights. And I am not writing this in the hope that you will do such things for me, for I would rather die than allow anyone to deprive me of this boast. For when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, since I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me. What then is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the gospel I may offer it free of charge, and so not misuse my rights as a preacher of the gospel.
Paul saw his calling to preach the gospel as so much more than a job. He speaks of it as a duty, but it's evident he saw it as more than that even. Paul clearly saw the task before him, preaching the gospel, as a privilege and, as he says himself, a reward in itself. And as I recognized that I realized God was reminding me why I'm here at Beautiful Gate. I'm not here to be a "super Christian" or a "super missionary" by any means (in fact sometimes I don't even feel like a very good Christian or missionary, but that's beside the point). Yes, I'm here to care for orphans and widows, but caring for others isn't the end goal either. The point of my being here is to point others to Jesus. Whether it's verbally sharing the gospel story or reflecting that story in the way I live my life, that's the ultimate goal of my life. If people here or people back home can say they know Jesus better because of me I count that as a win. Hugs, compliments, and recognition are nice and all, but knowing that I had a hand in drawing someone else closer to Jesus is the greatest reward I could ever receive.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Sunday, February 21, 2016
The Start of Something New
February 12 launched us into short-term team season here at
Beautiful Gate. Between now and when I leave at the end of June we have four
more teams, as well as five after I’ve returned to the U.S. Needless to say,
2016 is turning out to be one of the busiest years we’ve had at BG with teams.
Over the last ten days I dove headfirst into my new role as
North American Ambassador with our first team of the year. Graafschap CRC from
Holland, MI has been a great team. They’ve worked hard, fallen head over heels
with our children and housemothers, and blessed us all with their hearts and
service. It’s been a pleasure being a part of leading this team and introducing
many of them to Beautiful Gate for the first time. As hard as it is to see
people come and go so often I’m already learning to prepare my heart for the
constant change and shifting that is inherent in this job. This first team
leaves tomorrow, but we only have just over a week before the next team
arrives. It’s a fast paced gig with and many nights leave me wondering what
exactly I did all day.
I’m also learning just how much work being a team
coordinator is. Months are spent preparing for these teams. We meet with them a
number of times before they ever set foot on campus. We prepare the staff for
their coming. We make plans and schedules and preparations for their arrival.
Those plans and schedules inevitably get changed throughout their time here.
We’re responsible for guiding them in their work and helping them have positive
experiences in a new place. We lead devotions in the evenings, attempting to
help them see things from a perspective we can only hope they’ll catch a
glimpse of during their short stay. We live where we work, so we’re constantly
“on the clock” leaving us completely exhausted at the end of the team’s visit.
Despite the 120+ hour work week, the constant catering to
and balancing the needs of both the team and the staff/children, and never
really being in control even though you’ve planned things out several times
over, I’m so grateful that God has given me this privilege and opportunity.
It’s not easy, but God never promises that our lives will be easy. In fact, He
promises just the opposite! This job forces me to persevere when I feel
defeated. It forces me to rely on God when I’m physically, emotionally, and
spiritually drained. It forces me to meet, work with, and love all kinds of
people from all over the world. Most of all it forces me to trust my Abba and
His plan for my life and the lives of all those I interact with. There’s no way
I can do this on my own and, to be honest, I really don’t want to. Truthfully,
I hope people don’t really remember me after they’ve finished serving at
Beautiful Gate. My greatest hope and joy would be for every team to see the
work God is doing in this place. My honor is to walk them through and lead them
to the feet of Jesus. My desire is to be invisible so that Christ can be made
visible in a whole new way for everyone who sets foot on Beautiful Gate’s
campus.
It’s clear to me now that I’ve signed on to a massive and incredibly
complex position. There’s a lot of responsibility. There’s a lot of work. But
it’s also clear to me now, after this week and a half, there’s a lot of reward
too. As chaotic as teams can be it is evident that God uses them to do
immeasurably more than we could do as an isolated group of staff and long-term
volunteers. They are our advocates all over the world. They are our encouragers
and prayer warriors. They allow us to see this place with new eyes again and be
reminded of why we are here in the first place. This is the beginning of a wild
ride and I can’t wait to see what God has in store.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Squirming in the Father's Arms
Beautiful Gate has been seeing a lot of transition lately. In the three weeks I've been back this year I've already seen two adoptions, one reunification, three transfers, and three new arrivals. It's been a bit of a whirlwind to say the least.
Our most recent arrival last Friday is an absolutely precious little boy. He's not quite two years-old, but he's very small for his age. He's just a little squirt. That's fairly normal for a lot of the kids we receive, though. The thing that really captured my attention about him was how completely terrified he was to be here. We receive a lot of children when they are babies and they don't really know any different in regards to where they are. It's hard to tell if they cry because they're scared or if they're hungry. That's definitely not the case with this boy. His tears and his poor shaking little body were clearly due to fear. He's old enough to realize his life has been radically altered and I completely understand his reaction. He's suddenly surrounded by hordes of new people. Children are pulling at him from every side. He doesn't know that his next meal is guaranteed, let alone that he'll get three a day. In the end, everything is an unknown to him right now and his only reaction is fear.
On his first day at playgroup I stuck close to this little guy. Sometimes he let me hold him for a while, but eventually he'd start to cry again and he wanted down. After a few minutes he'd wander back asking to be held again. I ended up taking him away from the big group for a bit to try and help him feel a little less overwhelmed. As I held his trembling frame and physically felt his demeanor change between being tense and melting into my arms I couldn't help but imagine that the situation was very similar to my relationship with God. How often do I let fear and anxiety of the unknown drive my thoughts and actions? How often to I tremble and fight and squirm when God just wants me to rest in His arms? How often do I fail to trust God when He gently whispers that He loves me and He's not going to let anything harm me?
Today I visited with my little friend again in playgroup. He's still pretty hesitant. He would play with a toy for a little while if I gave it to him, but he's mostly still taking it all in. He held up his arms a lot, asking me to hold him, so I did. When I had to leave, though, he started to cry again. It breaks my heart to see such a sweet boy so scared. But each day we show him more and more that he can trust us. Each day we give him a little more reason to feel like he can relax. I know that in a few weeks or months he'll be unrecognizable. I've seen it with several kids before. Once he realizes he's safe here he'll open up. Once he realizes he's loved here he'll love us back. And before you know it he'll be running around, laughing, and playing with the other kids. He'll be able to be a kid himself.
The same goes for our relationship with God. Every day He gives us more and more reasons to trust Him. Every day He provides exactly what we need when we need it. He will never leave us and He will never harm us. I know that as I continue pursuing this relationship with my Father my desire for Him will grow and will eventually eclipse any fears that I may have. Even though I may squirm and tremble and cry in His arms now, I have hope knowing He's the one holding me. My comfort is in the fact that He's the Father and I get to be His child.
Our most recent arrival last Friday is an absolutely precious little boy. He's not quite two years-old, but he's very small for his age. He's just a little squirt. That's fairly normal for a lot of the kids we receive, though. The thing that really captured my attention about him was how completely terrified he was to be here. We receive a lot of children when they are babies and they don't really know any different in regards to where they are. It's hard to tell if they cry because they're scared or if they're hungry. That's definitely not the case with this boy. His tears and his poor shaking little body were clearly due to fear. He's old enough to realize his life has been radically altered and I completely understand his reaction. He's suddenly surrounded by hordes of new people. Children are pulling at him from every side. He doesn't know that his next meal is guaranteed, let alone that he'll get three a day. In the end, everything is an unknown to him right now and his only reaction is fear.
On his first day at playgroup I stuck close to this little guy. Sometimes he let me hold him for a while, but eventually he'd start to cry again and he wanted down. After a few minutes he'd wander back asking to be held again. I ended up taking him away from the big group for a bit to try and help him feel a little less overwhelmed. As I held his trembling frame and physically felt his demeanor change between being tense and melting into my arms I couldn't help but imagine that the situation was very similar to my relationship with God. How often do I let fear and anxiety of the unknown drive my thoughts and actions? How often to I tremble and fight and squirm when God just wants me to rest in His arms? How often do I fail to trust God when He gently whispers that He loves me and He's not going to let anything harm me?
Today I visited with my little friend again in playgroup. He's still pretty hesitant. He would play with a toy for a little while if I gave it to him, but he's mostly still taking it all in. He held up his arms a lot, asking me to hold him, so I did. When I had to leave, though, he started to cry again. It breaks my heart to see such a sweet boy so scared. But each day we show him more and more that he can trust us. Each day we give him a little more reason to feel like he can relax. I know that in a few weeks or months he'll be unrecognizable. I've seen it with several kids before. Once he realizes he's safe here he'll open up. Once he realizes he's loved here he'll love us back. And before you know it he'll be running around, laughing, and playing with the other kids. He'll be able to be a kid himself.
The same goes for our relationship with God. Every day He gives us more and more reasons to trust Him. Every day He provides exactly what we need when we need it. He will never leave us and He will never harm us. I know that as I continue pursuing this relationship with my Father my desire for Him will grow and will eventually eclipse any fears that I may have. Even though I may squirm and tremble and cry in His arms now, I have hope knowing He's the one holding me. My comfort is in the fact that He's the Father and I get to be His child.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
A Breath of Fresh Air
Last Friday, on one of our weekly trips into town with a few of the BG kids we met a group of missionaries who had just gotten to Lesotho. Let me begin by saying they are awesome! A couple of them came up to us and introduced their group. They are 7 young men and women working through Adventures in Missions doing the World Race program. For those who don't know, this is a program that launches missionaries into 11 countries over the course of 11 months. We learned that these missionaries pretty much do a little bit of anything and everything. Sometimes they stay with hosts and sometimes they camp in tents. Sometimes they teach English, sometimes they put a new roof on a church, and sometimes their goals are a little less defined. This month, while in Lesotho, they are meeting up with several already established missions organizations in order to build rapport and lay a foundation for future teams to come to these organizations in order to minister to and provide emotional support and encouragement to the missionaries already serving there. These are folks who actively know what it's like to be a missionary, so they know that, while financial support is incredibly important, emotional and psychological health is too.
After chatting with them for a bit at Wimpy (a restaurant here in Lesotho) we exchanged information and talked about having them over to visit Beautiful Gate. I can't explain why exactly, but I was so excited for them to come and to spend more time with them. So, instead of waiting for them to come over on Wednesday we invited them to church on Sunday. After the service we were able to talk more and get to know each other a little better. It was such a gift to be able to share experiences with other missionaries in my age bracket.
On Wednesday our new friends were able to visit us on campus. They came to our weekly chapel and, if they're anything like me, were more caught up in what the kids were doing than what was actually going on in chapel (oops...). Afterwards, Terp and I gave them a tour of campus and shared BG's history and stories with them. As we visited the baby houses it was a testament to the call God gives us to care for orphans and widows as I watched these 7 individuals fall in love with our kids mere moments after having met them. In fact it was difficult to pull them away! Can't blame them for that, though. After the tour several of the BG volunteers helped prepare a meal of traditional food that we shared together. As we ate with our hands we shared more stories with one another. There was a lot of laughter and sharing each other's burdens as we talked about many of the ups and downs we've experienced in our different journeys. Finally, we ended the evening praising God. We sang a handful of worship songs, we prayed, and we simply enjoyed being in fellowship together as we rested at the feet of Jesus. It was a night for the books to say the least.
I'm not writing this post just to share a cool experience with everyone (even though it was a really cool experience). I wanted to share this because there are no coincidences. I believe with all my heart that God orchestrated us meeting our new friends for specific reasons. Some are evident to us now. We clearly were able to further each other's missions. We are able to be an organization with whom they can potentially partner with in the future. They were able to fulfill their goal to encourage us in ways we didn't even know we needed. I believe there are other reasons God brought us together, though. We can't begin to imagine what they might be yet, but God is consistently placing them on my heart. So I continue to pray for them. I continue to pray with them. Though we just met, the love for my brothers and sisters continues to grow each day. Perhaps when they leave Lesotho I'll never see any of them again this side of Heaven (praise God for social media so we can at least keep in contact!), but I don't know what God's plan for any of us is. Maybe some of them will come back to BG. Maybe our paths will cross again in our travels. Regardless of what happens in the future, God reminded me on Wednesday how incredible His family is. As we entered our time together as strangers and left as family I can't help but think we experienced a small taste of what heaven will be like. It doesn't matter who we are, where we're from, what we're doing, or where we're going. As long as we together share a faith in Jesus Christ we will always be a family and we will always have the hope of seeing each other again when we together physically bow at the feet of the Almighty.
Abba,
Thank you for being Dad. Thank you for adopting us into your family, thereby making us brothers and sisters through your Son. Thank you too for our new friends. I ask that you continue to bless and protect them in their travels. Continue to equip them to fulfill the call you've placed on their lives. Even after they complete their World Race experience, grant them them wisdom, discernment, and hearts that are actively listening for your voice. May they have the assurance and the confidence that you will never let them go, no matter where they end up, no matter what they end up doing. Thank you, Father, for allowing our paths to cross, if even only for a short time. To you alone be all the glory, honor, and praise.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen
After chatting with them for a bit at Wimpy (a restaurant here in Lesotho) we exchanged information and talked about having them over to visit Beautiful Gate. I can't explain why exactly, but I was so excited for them to come and to spend more time with them. So, instead of waiting for them to come over on Wednesday we invited them to church on Sunday. After the service we were able to talk more and get to know each other a little better. It was such a gift to be able to share experiences with other missionaries in my age bracket.
On Wednesday our new friends were able to visit us on campus. They came to our weekly chapel and, if they're anything like me, were more caught up in what the kids were doing than what was actually going on in chapel (oops...). Afterwards, Terp and I gave them a tour of campus and shared BG's history and stories with them. As we visited the baby houses it was a testament to the call God gives us to care for orphans and widows as I watched these 7 individuals fall in love with our kids mere moments after having met them. In fact it was difficult to pull them away! Can't blame them for that, though. After the tour several of the BG volunteers helped prepare a meal of traditional food that we shared together. As we ate with our hands we shared more stories with one another. There was a lot of laughter and sharing each other's burdens as we talked about many of the ups and downs we've experienced in our different journeys. Finally, we ended the evening praising God. We sang a handful of worship songs, we prayed, and we simply enjoyed being in fellowship together as we rested at the feet of Jesus. It was a night for the books to say the least.
I'm not writing this post just to share a cool experience with everyone (even though it was a really cool experience). I wanted to share this because there are no coincidences. I believe with all my heart that God orchestrated us meeting our new friends for specific reasons. Some are evident to us now. We clearly were able to further each other's missions. We are able to be an organization with whom they can potentially partner with in the future. They were able to fulfill their goal to encourage us in ways we didn't even know we needed. I believe there are other reasons God brought us together, though. We can't begin to imagine what they might be yet, but God is consistently placing them on my heart. So I continue to pray for them. I continue to pray with them. Though we just met, the love for my brothers and sisters continues to grow each day. Perhaps when they leave Lesotho I'll never see any of them again this side of Heaven (praise God for social media so we can at least keep in contact!), but I don't know what God's plan for any of us is. Maybe some of them will come back to BG. Maybe our paths will cross again in our travels. Regardless of what happens in the future, God reminded me on Wednesday how incredible His family is. As we entered our time together as strangers and left as family I can't help but think we experienced a small taste of what heaven will be like. It doesn't matter who we are, where we're from, what we're doing, or where we're going. As long as we together share a faith in Jesus Christ we will always be a family and we will always have the hope of seeing each other again when we together physically bow at the feet of the Almighty.
Abba,
Thank you for being Dad. Thank you for adopting us into your family, thereby making us brothers and sisters through your Son. Thank you too for our new friends. I ask that you continue to bless and protect them in their travels. Continue to equip them to fulfill the call you've placed on their lives. Even after they complete their World Race experience, grant them them wisdom, discernment, and hearts that are actively listening for your voice. May they have the assurance and the confidence that you will never let them go, no matter where they end up, no matter what they end up doing. Thank you, Father, for allowing our paths to cross, if even only for a short time. To you alone be all the glory, honor, and praise.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen
Sunday, February 7, 2016
The Epitome of Bittersweet
Last year I wrote a post about one of our beautiful five-year old girls. Her mother had been in prison for much of her young life, but had recently been released. We waited in anticipation for her to come for this precious girl after we were informed the government had given her permission to reclaim her daughter. As you may recall from my previous post, however, she never showed up. We never heard from her. And our sweet girl, who so often claimed she was going home with her mom soon, despite us never having told her this, had her dream taken away from her again. It was absolutely heartbreaking. But life went on. We moved past the sorrow and the pain, and clung to the joy and goodness that comes from God and His perfect provision despite our circumstances.
Last week this memory came flooding back to me. Almost 8 months later we once again received word that our girl's mother was coming to get her. The Beautiful Gate house mothers told our girl. She was so excited. Her smile threatened to crack her face in half. They dressed her up in her best clothes and prepared her for a most anticipated reunion. The day came and went, though, and once again her mother didn't show up. And once again our girl was crushed. She cried herself to sleep that night. Even at six-years old she knew exactly what was going on. She knew how close she was to having her dream come true, only to have it snatched away yet again. When I heard about this my heart broke all over again. I was so disappointed for our precious girl. I tried my best not to be angry or judgmental toward her mother. I still didn't know this woman's story or circumstances. There could have been any number of reasons, some totally legitimate, for why she didn't show up. But knowing how hurt our girl was made it very difficult to show grace.
The next day, however, we were surprised. We got another call telling us this girl's mother would be coming to pick up her daughter. It was sort of like ripping a bandage off a fresh wound. The pain, sorrow, and confusion of the previous day washed over all of us afresh. We told our girl's house mothers and they refused to tell her or get her ready until the mother showed up on campus. We didn't argue. Within the next thirty minutes, though, she was here. Our girl's mother was here. Her dream was finally coming true! We went to tell her and get her ready. It was like the previous day had never happened. Once again she was all smiles. She was so excited. She put on her best dress and her prettiest shoes and waited impatiently for the rest of us to get everything in order. Finally, we took her back to the office where her mother was waiting. Our girl was shy at first, but after a few minutes her smile was back and bigger than ever. She wouldn't leave her mother's side except when we hugged and kissed her goodbye. Seeing the joy in her eyes was incredible. It filled me with hope and reminded me once again why I'm here. At the same time, however, I looked at her mother's face and didn't see the same joy. I didn't see the same longing and desire that our girl had. Again, I don't know this woman. I don't know how she expresses her feelings. But I couldn't help feeling my heart drop just a bit.
It's moments like that one that perfectly capture why I love and hate my job all at the same time. We want the best for our kids. Sometimes we get to see that happen for them and we are sure of it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Other times we're not so sure. Other times we simply do what we have to do and rely on God to do the rest. The truth is people in this world will always disappoint us, but God never will. The promises of Jeremiah 29:11 are encouraging. Most of us know them by heart. ""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."" We can take even more encouragement out of these promises, though, when we realize that God promises these things to His people when they are in the midst of exile in Babylon. Despite the circumstances we find ourselves in, God is there and He is faithful. He will never let us down. Though we don't know how life is going for our beautiful girl right now, we know that God does. We place our hope for her in His hands and we trust that His plans are to prosper her and her mother, and to give them hope and a blessed future together.
Last week this memory came flooding back to me. Almost 8 months later we once again received word that our girl's mother was coming to get her. The Beautiful Gate house mothers told our girl. She was so excited. Her smile threatened to crack her face in half. They dressed her up in her best clothes and prepared her for a most anticipated reunion. The day came and went, though, and once again her mother didn't show up. And once again our girl was crushed. She cried herself to sleep that night. Even at six-years old she knew exactly what was going on. She knew how close she was to having her dream come true, only to have it snatched away yet again. When I heard about this my heart broke all over again. I was so disappointed for our precious girl. I tried my best not to be angry or judgmental toward her mother. I still didn't know this woman's story or circumstances. There could have been any number of reasons, some totally legitimate, for why she didn't show up. But knowing how hurt our girl was made it very difficult to show grace.
The next day, however, we were surprised. We got another call telling us this girl's mother would be coming to pick up her daughter. It was sort of like ripping a bandage off a fresh wound. The pain, sorrow, and confusion of the previous day washed over all of us afresh. We told our girl's house mothers and they refused to tell her or get her ready until the mother showed up on campus. We didn't argue. Within the next thirty minutes, though, she was here. Our girl's mother was here. Her dream was finally coming true! We went to tell her and get her ready. It was like the previous day had never happened. Once again she was all smiles. She was so excited. She put on her best dress and her prettiest shoes and waited impatiently for the rest of us to get everything in order. Finally, we took her back to the office where her mother was waiting. Our girl was shy at first, but after a few minutes her smile was back and bigger than ever. She wouldn't leave her mother's side except when we hugged and kissed her goodbye. Seeing the joy in her eyes was incredible. It filled me with hope and reminded me once again why I'm here. At the same time, however, I looked at her mother's face and didn't see the same joy. I didn't see the same longing and desire that our girl had. Again, I don't know this woman. I don't know how she expresses her feelings. But I couldn't help feeling my heart drop just a bit.
It's moments like that one that perfectly capture why I love and hate my job all at the same time. We want the best for our kids. Sometimes we get to see that happen for them and we are sure of it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Other times we're not so sure. Other times we simply do what we have to do and rely on God to do the rest. The truth is people in this world will always disappoint us, but God never will. The promises of Jeremiah 29:11 are encouraging. Most of us know them by heart. ""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."" We can take even more encouragement out of these promises, though, when we realize that God promises these things to His people when they are in the midst of exile in Babylon. Despite the circumstances we find ourselves in, God is there and He is faithful. He will never let us down. Though we don't know how life is going for our beautiful girl right now, we know that God does. We place our hope for her in His hands and we trust that His plans are to prosper her and her mother, and to give them hope and a blessed future together.
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